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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Second guessing....

I didn't want to say it.  I didn't want to admit it.  I didn't want it to be true...but I don't think I want to practice law anymore.

Let me explain myself.  I went to law school because I LOVE learning and I LOVE knowing things.  I enjoy being able to intelligently form an opinion and then clearly advocate for the position I have taken.  Unfortunately, I think the quickest way to HATE the law is to practice it.  I am still searching for that area where you can do what you truly believe is right 100% of the time.  I'm not saying that I will do what is right 100% of the time, but I want to know-without a shadow of a doubt that when I make a decision--I am confident in the decision I am making...and that it is MY decision.

Working at the public defenders office means no say-so over the cases and clients I accept.  The judges appoint our office and the office case manager assigns them.  Your only way out is if the family of the defendant decide they want to hire a 'real' lawyer or if there is a conflict and our office cannot represent the client.  I have a problem with that.  I know that everyone accused has the right to an attorney.  I don't necessarily want to BE that attorney. 

As a prosecutor, you have no say so over who you prosecute so you could end up tacking a record onto a person you don't believe is guilty.  As a public defender, you have no say so over who you represent so you could end up zealously advocating for someone that your gut is telling you is guilty as sin.  Plaintiff attorney's can't tell their bank clients that they should cut a break to the little old man that ran into hard times and couldn't afford his mortgage for a few months.  Legal Services attorneys can't refuse to represent clients that have been living in a house for 2 years, without paying a mortgage.  It's enough to drive you crazy.

I know it's cheesy and cliche, but I also went to law school so I could make some type of difference in the world.  Thus far, goal NOT accomplished.

Sigh....

Until next time,

Be blessed, be careful, don't confess and don't consent.

~LT