This morning in District Court I am standing against the side rail waiting to let the judge know I have finished with all of my clients so I can be excused. As I am standing there I hear the following conversation:
Judge: Will you pass a drug test?
Defendant: Yes sir, I will.
Judge: If you took a drug test today you would pass it?
Defendant: Yes sir, I sure will.
Judge: (who has now turned around to his computer) Ok, well I am going to have you drug tested today so don't lie to me. Are you still maintaining that you will test clean today?
Defendant: Oh yes sir, I don't do any drugs!
Defendant: I just smoke a little marijuana.
Judge: (who has whirled around in his chair and is facing front again at the mention of the word marijuana) Marijuana?!
Defendant: Yes sir.
Judge: You smoke marijuana?
Defendant: Yes sir, about two weeks ago.
Judge: So how come when I asked if you would test clean today you told me 'yes'?
Defendant: (leaning in, looking at the judge like he is stupid) BECAUSE I DON'T SMOKE CRACK ANYMORE!
Crack is WHACK
Defendant: Yes sir, I used to smoke crack, I don't smoke crack anymore, I only smoke marijuana.
Judge: So crack is a drug...
Defendant: Yes sir
Judge: ...but marijuana is not?
Defendant: I don't consider it a drug.
Needless to say, I ended up excusing myself because I could not hold in my laughter any longer.
You just can't make this stuff up.
Until next time,
Be blessed, be careful, don't consent and don't confess.